Tuesday, January 17, 2012

17 / 1 / 2012 ----- 我以为只是我以为




老实说,写信告诉她后。
彻夜不能安眠。
凌晨5点多 Fb chat 对谈,
清楚了明白了。

尝试躺着睡一会,但还是没有办法。
洗刷换衣后,走路搭地铁上班了。
听着 MP3, 我的右手握紧那 MP3.
我知道自己快握爆。
理智告诉自己不可以…
弄坏了,就没有 MP3 陪自己度过每天…

我知道自己疲惫的哽咽的
知道快掉泪的…
原来,我控制的住…
也许,在这些年来的经历磨练的很好…
收住眼角的泪,还可以对自己笑..

今天忙碌的工作,
却让我感觉很好…
不会有空闲的时间去想些什么…
虽然是有空挡的时候,
自己也会不知觉的拿起手机看看…
我知道自己是有 sms 你一些
但,感觉已不同了…
身份也不同了…
所以,很多都变了…
也不敢期盼太多啦~
哈哈…

放工了,提着免费的食物回家…
可以当早餐,晚餐~~
省钱~~!!!


也在地铁里看见小孩…
也许,这是今天一个小小的安慰和让我微微的扬起嘴角…
有个很深的念头走进来…
当小孩真好…
什么都不用烦恼…
感情啊~事业啊~钱财啊~~
越长大了,反而越沉默了…
不会再像小孩那样的活泼朝气了…



出了地铁,走路回家…
望着深蓝的夜空…
看见遥远的有颗闪耀的星星…
我知道,不管怎样…
还是会有颗南极星,带我回家…
很平静…

回家后,修改了些 blog 发放了…
我知道你上线了
我知道自己故意要你看了…

今天,放任自己去运动发泄。
的确是好事,也发现自己的不济…
真可悲..

回家了,查看你。
看见了你发放的部落格。

你的第三段最后那几句,感觉你很不爽。
也许,你很累吧~
你的最后一段,的确让我惊艳。
我也以为我真的还有机会…
我也傻傻的问了朋友们意见,更让我以为我真的可以。

可是,自己重复的看了又看。
问你了…
我该踏前一步吗?
你说 “no.:{ i cant be ur forever”
明白了…
也确定了…

我知道一大盆的冷水和冰块倒向自己的心里…
对不起,我太直接了…
语气也太重了…
没有一个一个字,再仔细的一直阅读…

对你说 k , take care
收拾心情去冲凉了…
我想哭?也许…只是想而已…
但,就是哭不出…
是否应验了一句成语?  欲哭无泪…
我想,这是最可悲的是吧…
是否,越长大了…
很多东西都学会了往肚里吞…
然后自己消化,只因不想当让人担心的那个…



朋友们,我这个巨蟹。
原以为走出来的….
今后,还是走回壳子里了…
也许,爱情里,我真的太笨了…
以为以为…只是我以为而已…


我知道我在 skype 问了你,而你已经睡着了…
你,是否想要有个人疼爱呢?
其实,你的很多男爱慕者都会很关心你的,只是看你要不要而已…

假如,你知道你的心里还有他。
就去勇敢的面对吧…
还记得我和你说过的梦境吧~
会是真的…
也感觉的出来,他还在等你…
往前吧~~
不管你觉得你们之间是否有道墙…

加油, HKS~~

Monday, January 16, 2012

16/1/2012 --- I Hurt Someone








From past few days,
My boss had ask me something.
And ask me do not harm people.
I do dislike it, but I knew I should think of it.
Ya, I should not harm people who're not same circle like me.

I was struggle for so long for this...
If I'm not on this way... I mind get my another half & get married at this age or soon..?
LoL...
But this is what I wish...
have my own family...
I love & wish to see everyone gather together, talk together, smile & laugh, eat drink play together...
Too bad I'm not...
And my situation & path way is not easy to walk along...
Since I choose this way... Or maybe I just can said I'm born on this way...
This is my destiny...

I do had ask my friend & some elder people I knew...
Everyone want me to be candid...
I knew I should...
I knew I'm selfish & greedy...
Maybe I'm never expect that still will have someone will fall for me...?
Even just a little bit...
I do appreciate it... & thanks god to that...
But.
Once human being is turn on...
I knew my hiding will be a point that hurt each other...

Can I said I took out my brave... or my guts..?
Or else, I just can said I'm a coward...
I just dare to write an email to you...

When I'm typing those wordings...
I'm really struggle...
I knew... it will hurt someone I like...
And the situation for both of us mind be change...
Everything will be change...

As what everyone told me...
Even just be a normal friend...
Need to be candid as well...
Ya, I choose to be candid...
I knew will hurt someone... & myself...
But once let someone found it out...
The case more trouble...
Maybe can't be as friend as well...
This is what my buddy told me...
Maybe...


Once finish type out...
I was struggle for half an hour...
Should I ...? Shouldn't I ....?
I force myself to press the button of SEND...
After all...
I really don't know how to describe my feeling...
I just dare to sms someone to ask someone to read the mail I sent...
I just dare to said SORRY to someone...
this is what I can do...?
Took out my brave... call someone....
I knew, it mind be my last call to someone...
But once I listen someone "hello" sound...
My heart was knot...struggle...
I just dare faster to said SORRY, ask someone to check her mail box & hang up the call....
A Lump in the throat... I'm sucks...



Lay on the bed...
I knew I can't fall asleep...
Hard to breath...
Many thing was come in my mind...
I can't sleep like before...
I knew I'm so so so wrong...

No longer time...
maybe I fall asleep or maybe not...
I awake in suddenly...
Like been get shocked....
I'm not feeling well...
Heart pain...
I feel something...
I feel someone...
Straightly wake up, move my mouse to check the mail...

Ya, I get someone reply...
Read & See every wordings which type & reply by someone...
Read the 1st line of wordings, I knew my heart was like crush by a hand with hard...
Someone said she's falling tears...
Read through this part...
I knew my tears was dropping by along my face with automatically...
I was wrong...
I hurt someone...
I made someone cry...
I should'nt be...
I should make someone happy not to cry...
I'm SUCKS...
I shouldn't appear in someone life...
I shouln't trying to let someone feel for me...
Never expect that I still will drop because of someone...
Due to the past, I been train to not easy to cry...
I can control it well...
sound weird or horrible..
but it's true...
Heart been train kinda like a rock...

Someone, I'm not gonna to leave you...
But, If I can't be... and I'm not the one to be...
I shouldn't be there...
If not, greedy like me..
I will hope & wish for more...
As I'm still a human...
But I do will treat myself as...as your friend...as what you wish to be...
protect you in hidden way...


Someone,
When you're said you're worry about me..
I felt so warm... but I do felt guilty toward to you...
I'm not worth to be... I'm not...
I'm not deserve your worry...

Knew you're driving alone at the outside
I do worry about it...
I can feel that you will stop you car aside & sms reply me...
I just want you to drive safe arrive home...

You said "Why you want to pull everything back when i started to fall in ."
I can feel my heart was started to drop inside a black hole... keep falling...
I can felt your sadness...


You know what...
You became my habitually...
I would like to greet you with a morning sunny sound... ask you to eat on time...
nagging you bla bla...
showing the way to *sayang* you...

Await end work back home straightly to chit chat with you...
See you through webcam...
Seeing your face... your action...
Your every little thing will make me smile...
Communicate with you is very relax & enjoyable...
Maybe I'm too bored to be.. & meet a machine gun like you...
hahaa.. but...
I like the way you are, I can understand & know you more...
At least you will tell me automatically...
Well..
I never ever tell anybody about all my life like you...

You said my words like a needle to sting in you heart.
Have you ever knew, when I start typing the first wording in the mail to you.
You don't know much how pain it would be...
It's not just a needle sting in the heart, it's like cut by a knife slice by slice...
But you can't stop the cutting of pain...


I do scare & worry myself treating you as good as I can...
I knew I should stop... but I can't...
Because, I do fall for you...
That's why I can't lie myself that not treating you good...

If I do hurt you, I won't disturb you anymore.
At least you won't facing someone who had hurt you before like me.
A lier is not worth to be...



You know what..?
You last words is really hurting me lots more than others...
You said
"and guess what , u succeed. You are making me so sad now. Thank you."
Ya, you could blame on me.
Is my fault... my ever fault toward to you...
I admit it..

Thanks for telling me not to waste time on you...
I knew I'm not the one you wish & hope for...
At least.. I'm not...

You said you don't want me to regret in the end...
Well...
If I will regret... Why do I let myself fall for you, right?


Girl, you're smart & clever.
You deserve the best for you life.

God do will bless you, because THEY heard that pray & wish.
As whay you wish to...
You dream of your friend.
I knew it became true..

As long as... you're happy in the end...
*hugs*

Take Care, my love...

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Spread my heart sound....

David Choi new release album


The lyrics was great.
Sound like spread my heart sound... lol...



Listen & Enjoy it...
=)





David Choi - Thinking about you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5g_yG7MjcY




Everybody needs someone
Everybody needs love, love
Everybody wants something to believe in

Everybody is waiting
Waiting for that someone
That makes their heart jump out

Live a life like you are dreaming, yeah
Oh, I want that feeling

I'm thinking about you
Are you thinking of me too?
I'm thinking about you
I hope you're thinking of me too

Looking for a treasure
Worth more than gold
It's been found, I've been told

But I've been searching
Across the seas
Oh could it be right in front of me?

For now I'll entertain this daydream
I wonder what you're feeling

I'm thinking about you
Are you thinking of me too?
I'm thinking about you
I hope you're thinking of me too

Monday, January 9, 2012

新家 - 9 / 1 / 2012

9 / 1 / 2012

终于的终于…
把所有的东西整理好,扫抹干净….
有个很安宁安静,自己的房间…
能怎样就怎样…
毕竟,
是自己在外租房子付的钱…
也不必担心让亲戚们不喜欢 / 不开心…


也许现在的费用有点拘谨…
那就比平常更省着点吧~
我能撑的住…

加油~
还有 10天,可以回家了~
回家真好…

只怕,会有点留恋不想回新国工作… haha…
但,
为了生活,为了未来,为了自己…
还是会回来的…

希望,能等到旧同事的好消息…
希望一切顺顺利利…
=)




以下就是辛苦了连续几天的搬运,买洗刷清洁材料,整理好的房间...
X)










不错吧??

哈哈哈.....




我想,现在放工后...
新家的房间就是我直奔回家的理由....
XD

太舒服了...
不懂明天会不会,能不能起床去工作....

希望每一天,都是美好的一天...

=)

Monday, January 2, 2012

1 / 1 / 2012 - A Brand New Year

1st Jan 2012

A Brand New Year of today.


When arrive outside of sentosa.
Harbourfront MRT.
My buddy friend & I, we're taking the 1st new year train going home.
Sound so special & can be part of the memories in life.
lol¬

After few station, train air-con was getting cold.
Ya, we're wearing with wet clothes.
Is getting cold.
Pull my legs up sit on the seat.
Seems like those beiger sit on the train... lol...

Everyone who on the train was with tired face...even is us... lol

Change train going home...
was suprise in this holiday morning still have lots people take train in this timing.
Ya, everyone do need to work for life.
What else...

Was seeing a nice beautiful view on the train...
I took out my handphone to shot it...
Well... luckily my handphone still can work out...
Been soaking with foam... sand... water....
lol...

Hope & Wish my new life in 2012 was getting better & better just like this beautiful landscape in today...

Finally arrive at station, was walking faster to McD to buy breakfast...
Was seeing a new breakfast...
Breakfast Deluxe...
Erm... nice... I like pancake... hahaa...

Done buying, faster walk back home...
putting the breakfast on room...
Don't know why.. habitually will straightly on the laptop...
Open skype... Mozilaa firefox...
Click on someone page...

Yeah... didn't expect someone didn't sleep early...
was wonder someone status as well...
hmmm...

Faster taking shower...
soak my dirty clothes...
dry up myself...
going to take my 1st new year breakfast... lol...

Food was colder bit...
Pancake was not tat soft.. =<

Never mind... as long as I can eat..
have food + hot tea to fullfill my empty stomach...
oh no... the sirap + butter... was nice...

Was wonder how to fry this perfect pancake look ?
seems so hard to be...
even had try few times...
hhmmm...
any1 else who good in cooking pancake can give me hint?
LoL~~

I like food... I like to eat... hohohooo....



I think I was too tired...

After finish pancake...
Eating those egg + bun half way...
I fall asleep...omg...
sambil makan sambil tidur...

Well.. at last... make myself faster finish it...
throw those rubbish which had been finish eating...
wash my hair n face again... which had been stick on those pancake sirap..
lol...
careless me..
aha... too tired to be...




After all... was resting while & gonna going to sleep soon...
But neighbour home alarm is fucking loud & keep ringing...
OMG~~~~

Well...
spend my time blogging...
Why I start to type english in blog to compare with past...
Maybe I knew someone not really know chinese well...
I change... lol...

But I think it's a good way to let me practice my english again.
I knew I had pay back my those grammar to my teacher... hahaa...

Sitting on bed blogging half way...
was feeling lazy...
I change another position... lay on bed...
use the Cushion coussin to let my head to lay on...like a lazy person... lol...
No longer time... was feeling really tired...
Fall asleep infront of my laptop...


Yeah~~ 
I sleep nearby the radiation...
I think more den 6 hours... omg~!!!! @,@
Hope won't get any cancer so fast..
*touch wood~~ touch wood~~~*




Once awake... yeah... 
sit up, see someone page... 
everytime do will click & check someone blog... 
to see whether have any new update...lol
Yeah.. I'm over...
Read something...


Wow~ was suprise what my heart & mind think of ... pray of... wish of...
I do wish can let all of the friend of someone gather together to meet someone...
For now on, I can't do anything...
And I don't know 1 of them...
So, I just wish as what someone wishes...
DREAM...


Done,
continue blogging again...
till half way...
laptop was too heat to be...
off it automatically...

Luckily I had save my blog draft...
If not, it will be killing me... !!! lol~~
Felt hungry...
Eat chips + chinese herb medicine (单眼佬凉茶)
because I knew myself was get cold..
Playing my hp game...while waiting my laptop cooling down... lol...

Was looking & thinking my handphone..
how long it still can be survive... lol...
Hope till I stable and time to sign line just broke down... lol...

Yea.. finally can be on the laptop again..
watching those drama I had download but not much time to spend with to watch...
Actually... a good drama / movie...
can let you think & learn lots...

Wait till long...
see someone online...
start chit chatting...
knew something...
and quite suprise someone ask me told her what I had done in today...
I don't what had happen...
But can feel that someone not happy...
But i knew... I can't help or do anything...
I just told someone what I had do in today...

I asked someone, what makes her =(
Get to know the answer...
I knew myself...
I wish I'm standing right beside her for now on...
Hugging someone tightly...
Protect someone avoid any bad...
To tell someone, no worries...
you have me...
I'll be here...
But... but .... but...
No matter how I wishes...
I just can type through wordings only...
lol~

Well well...
Just can tell someone that...
"Nobody can help you, Unless yourself."
because the decision if by yourself.

Hope & Wish that you can face it with bravely.
Not to stuck on it anymore.
I know you can.
Even you still young, you have lots time.
But will you ever wish to let yourself stuck on this kind of past thing again & again ?
For those who truly care you & love, don't wish to see you on this situation.

It's not good to be stuck for so long.
I'm 1 of it, but I knew life should be go on.
Not to looking back, and I have left not much time to looking back.


Been chit chatting with someone till just now...
at least, someone is turning back to happy...
good to heard it & know it...

It's 2/1/2012, 2.05am now.
is time to going to bed...


Nitez, world....

Sunday, January 1, 2012

31 / 12 / 2011 --- New Year Eve

New Year Eve


Was meet up my buddy, college mate & another his doing injek printing friend when he's doing his printing job.
This new friend call Chua.
Yeah, I'm Tan.
lol


Due to the new year eve party was organised at the beach side.
Yea, I was out with polo tee, new bought carmel colour short pants & my new havainas slipper.

Old polo tee + New bought carmel colour short pant,New Havainas slipper




We go in the same train, but didn't meet up.
Till we communicate on phone call said that meet at the changing line, Bishan station.
Yeah, finall see each other.
He's still the same pattern. lol...
& wearing the cap that I help him...

We start our conversation, talk about what plan we wanna be... what we want to do...
Yes, it's been lots...
Hope & wish it will become true in asap.
But I knew, things gonna fullfil it with step by step.
I knew it sound punctuality, but this is the way.
Sometime you try jump another way, but you're still not that kind of level.
You'll lose.


Change 3 lines, we been arrive Chinatown.
Bring them buy some light food on those China stall.
Intro the KOI bubble tea.
this is the fast way to let me fullfil my empty stomach which been struggle food for so long.
Even I had been eat breakfast while waiting my buddy them coming to town.

Due to buddy want to find the temple.
Was bringing him walk around the place that he told how it would be.
Yeah, finally we found it.


I been pass by this buidling in few time before, but don't know what kind of temple it's. Due to, everytime that pass by was at night time.
While the time was busying walk around to search job, interview...


Today, I know it.
Buddha Tooth Relic Temple and Museum.

This temple was quite special.
I saw it had show the Chinese Zodiac Personal Guardian Deity.
I had wish & pray for the Chinese Zodiac which everyone of my family had been.
Yah, I been pray for someone as well.
I don't know why, but it's just a natural way.
I knew I really "kena" already.
Ya, I admit it.
Eventhough I knew who else is important in someone heart.
I just wish & pray that the people that I love & like...
Be health, safe & full of happiness.


The weather on today was really good.
Wish to tell someone, but think of something..
just let it be...
Nothing special to said this kind thing... lol
Someone just treating me as friend only, right...
haha


Around mostly 6pm, time to said goodbye to buddyn friend & new friend, Chua.
Going to HArbourfront,Vivocity to meet my another buddy friend.
After meet, we damn hungry for not eating for so long.
Think of the Marche Restaurant.
Yes~!!!!
We're going to the roof top of Vivocity.
Queueing...
Finally till us...
have a seat, walk around looking for food to see & choose whether which kind to eat.
Once seeing those price.. was quite... Wow~
But think of... what for...
today was the last day of 2011, why not treating myself with good food to pamper myself ?
For normal day, I just control & treating my self with a meal which not over $2.50.



Here is the meal that I ate.

This is my 1st meal of the day.
After finis it, myself feel quite full. Can't believe it.  =,="

The smoke salmon was damn nice.
My mixwd juice = Carrot + Apple + Blood Orange
It's fresh & health.



Chit chatting with buddy friend.
I wish 1 day could bring all my family members to come over this restaurant to have a meal.
I do wish my daily life was eating this kind of healthy food.
Yeah~~~


And talk about food, was talk about breakfast with my buddy friend.
For now on, I really wish to eat breakfast with my love one.
I'm really appreaciate every litle to spend with my love one.
Just like I really understand how my father feel.
Once everytime we talk about eating breakfast at the Sunday.
He's so happy & prepare in early to wait us.
To waiting mum, we just can eat our brunch around 1 - 2 pm.
Well, I knew dad love mum. Thats why didn't said much about it.
Just wait, eat & drinks nestum biscuit to temporary fullfil the empty stomach.
This is LOVE, just respect & let your love 1 be.


Slowly enjoy the meal....
Since we have time, due to was meeting up those girls at 8pm.


 The colour of the weather was make me feel like at the Hawaii
X)



Time pass, around 7.15pm.
Was going to take our last dinner meal.

Sirloin Steak with Medium + Mashed Potato + Chitani 0.2L (A smooth thick red wine, perfect match with the steak.)

Finish this meal, was going to pay bill.


Was taking this sticky candy as our sweets when paying bill. LoL

About this sticky....have a mind been planning before. But for now on, just let it be. Since know it...haha.. right..



We was walking to sentosa to claim & take the Siloso Beach tickets...
It's good to have a walk once finish dinner...
Sound like an old folks...lol..
but it's not really good health action....


This is the 1st image that come in our eyes when we're walking inside the sentosa.
(If someone is at here, sure will happy with it.  Or else, is myself think over..maybe)



A very tall Christmas.



Reach Beach station.
Due to need wait the right number to be claim ticket, we need to wait.


Was many people around.



Been waiting around 4 hours.
Luckily just now was fullfil with good & nice food.
If not I will really !!!!
Ya, my buddy friend & I was too good patient to wait 5 of them.


Around 11.30pm, they're arrive.
Well, not need to be wait & celebrate my new year eve at the outside.
lol


Ticket wrist banner, free neon light (which helping doing survey), a glass of free drinks.


At the 1st thing was going to try thr wet foam party.
Foam + Sand..  =,='''




For this party, I didn't let myself to get drunk.
Because I don't wish & don't want to be.
and I don't want someone to worry...?
Maybe is myself think too much that will be worry..?


Was tired to take care those crazy drunk girls., when they're approach by those 'colour wolf'   lol

well, even have 2 more guys here.
1 need to take care his own gf, another 1 taking another close girl's friend.

luckily left the rest not really that crazy.... 













Tell the truth, for today what I wish & wait for is  wait till 11.59pm to call someone & wish Happy New Year.
Yes, I did it.
at least I done what I promise to myself.


Actually was want to going back around 2am with my buddy friend.
But the rest was implore there... somemore my buddy friend like nothing else.
Den stay down again to taking care those girls...
really *shake head*

When we're too bored, we play the sand on the beach. lol
Yea, like a kids playing sands...

Had try sms with someone, not get reply fast.
I understand & I knew it.
After all, stop it.
Just wish someone spend time to enjoy with friends.

Time was being late, around 4 - 5am.
Actually do wish sms again, but think of someone mind get sleep.
So, better don't disturb.
=]


Around 5am, was going out splash water to clean those sand which stick on body & clothes. 


Walk along with buddy friend on the silent street road.
Was think of someone...
someone's blog had wrote that like to walk along the silent road...

I do like it,
walk along with the person I like, I love.
Talk with each other with relax...
This will be let each other talking out the deepest & inner of ownself...

After this party, 
I wish I have a normal new year eve countdown in next year and the rest of time...
Tired or meaningless ?
I don't know...
I just wish to be with someone silently quitely...
or my family...
just like those western white people family..
Stay in the warm house, eating our big wonderful dinner, sit together to watch tv...
lol¬
sound old & boring..
but I like & love it...
thats the wonderful things in my life...


Walking go out to dry those wet clothes. Queueing to take free ride bus go outside of sentosa...

This is the new year eve I had been....

=}